What I Wish I Had Known Before Having a Baby
Something we can never prepare for is the journey and rollercoaster that is becoming a mother. Physically and mentally it is the hardest thing I have ever done. We spend the whole 9 months of our pregnancy preparing the nursery, trying to stay fit with yoga or swim classes, taking hypnobirthing and NCT classes but nothing can fully prepare us for the reality that is becoming a parent. It is something you have to learn as you go, without sleep and without much help. Here are all the things I wish I had known before becoming a new mother.
How Hard Having a Baby is Physically: Pregnancy, Birth and Postpartum
Morning Sickness
Physically, pregnancy, birth and after birth is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. In my first pregnancy I struggled with morning sickness (or actually night sickness in my case), I vomited repeatedly all night and felt so dizzy. I would open the windows to let the freezing air in and had to wear Sea Bands day and night, I had the marks at the pressure points imprinted into my wrists. Luckily I barely experienced morning sickness in my second pregnancy as I would have really struggled with that and a toddler running around.
Pelvic Girdle Pain
My body was not made for pregnancy it seems as I suffered from extreme pelvic girdle pain (which Gayle the osteopath from Align helped me with). I had incredible pain in my hips and inner thighs from 12 weeks. Pelvic girdle pain is when hormones called “relaxin” cause ligaments to loosen and your pelvis actually moves (to make room for baby).
I struggled with everyday tasks like walking, getting out of bed and simply putting on shoes. It made working nearly impossible and editing was such a struggle as I couldn’t sit for long. I struggled to sleep at night because even lying down there was a searing pain in my hips as after 20 weeks you should be sleeping on your side. Pregnancy was quite the experience. I was one of the lucky ones that had the pain disappear right after I had both my children.
Physio and osteopathy can help with your pelvic girdle pain as they help stretch the right muscles and can give you exercise to strengthen different muscles to relieve the pain. I have a list that I recommend in my “Southampton Antenatal Services Directory”.
Postpartum Recovery
We’ve all heard the pain that is giving birth from everyone who has ever given birth but we don’t hear much about after birth. The postpartum recovery is something I truly didn’t know much about prior to having my babies. Your birth is one of the factors that can contribute to a better or worse physical recovery. For example with my first birth I had to have a really bad episiotomy and my body did not feel normal again until about a year later. I struggled with the pain for months and months. In my second birth I was fortunate to have an easier delivery and I felt fine physically after just two weeks.
After birth, my body felt completely foreign. I was bleeding, sore and breastfeeding was a painful experience at the very beginning. Engorged and leaking breasts felt horrible and my body did not feel like my own. You experience all this pain and strangeness all the while trying to look after a tiny baby which is an even crazier experience.
The lack of sleep after having a baby will get to you
My most difficult part of becoming a mother? The lack of sleep. It affected me physically and mentally like no experience I’ve ever had. It caused me to feel sad, emotionally, lost and so desperate for sleep that it felt like it hurt. Due to lack of sleep my emotions ran high, never mind all the hormones coursing through my postpartum body!
Caring for a tiny newborn is truly the most trying and difficult experience. Getting used to not being able to sleep when I wanted to was such a hard experienced and I really struggled. Lack of sleep can really effect your mental health. My first born woke every 45 minutes some nights and woke every 2 hours until she was 20 months old. She really threw me hard into motherhood and sleep deprivation. Luckily my second born is a little more relaxed!
I Wish I Had Known to Ask for Help After Having a Baby
One thing I learned a little too late was that I needed to ask for help. No one knows what to help you with specifically so they don’t offer but if you need help, your husband, family or a friend will help. This can be with little tasks like simply holding baby so you can shower, making you a meal or throwing in a load of laundry. If you don’t have family or friends nearby there are so many antenatal services that can help support you.
With my first born, I found myself feeling resentful because I was trying to do everything myself and it can be pretty impossible with a newborn. In today’s society we don’t have the help that many mothers used to have (in the past, many generations lived in one home) and we are forced back to work early. It feels like a battle trying to do it all on your own. Ask for help, any way you can.
Having a baby is magical
The main thing I learned? Despite how much of a toll it can all take on you mentally and physically, having a child is the most magical experience. So magical that I did it all a second time. My postpartum experience felt different with my second as I knew what to expect and it didn’t all feel so strange. I felt like I was able to enjoy my baby just a little bit more because I realised just how fleeting all those moments were. I realised why the cliche, “they grow up so fast” is so popular. As I watch at my 2.5 year old sleeping, I realise they really do.